A lot of what I write in this blog are forms of complaint. Maybe justified, maybe not. Today some reflecting happened (I would say I did some reflecting, but it was more like it was done for me). I got sick today, heat-related most likely. Nausea and regular stuff. But I want to tell people things that I’m not sure they know because caregivers and friends sometimes have the hardest role of all, and they don’t get enough credit.
J. took care of me during one of the worst periods in my life. He made supper every night in London. He came over to my parents’ house in Ottawa and watched Law and Order with me even though he’d have rather been at the movies or doing something out in the world. He was generous and compassionate and respected my boundaries. He was the most empathetic person I ever knew closely. He deserves a lot. He’s the Ratty to my Moly. If he ever feels down on himself, he should know how much beauty I saw because of him, and how much beauty we saw together. I got sick early in our relationship and he could have bailed but he didn’t, he stuck and stuck for the right reasons. He’s now with a beautiful, intelligent partner and working on his PHD and I’m so happy he’s found the things he has now because he always deserved them. ALWAYS.
Maggie listens to all of my messaging rants and episodes and is always kind and compassionate even though she might be having a really rotten day of her own. She cares about people. That’s rare. She’s not just going through the motions of seeming to care, she genuinely cares. She’s the kind of person you’d be lucky to have as part of your family.
Jim insists on forcing video chats on me because he knows I avoid them. No matter how any times I disappear or for how long he’s there and I hope to God he doesn’t give up on me. He’s going through his own shit too and holy crap does he never let me slide into absolute despair.
The guinea pigs are total beautiful grumpy assholes who somehow help me anyhow. God knows.
My dad listens to music with me in the car and we sing along.
My mom brings me stuff I need in the car and always hugs me goodbye.
My brother always checks on me when I visit and makes me a whisky and ginger ale.
My sister lets me stay in her home even though sometimes I just stay inside one room the entire day and I say strange things and sometimes I’m depressing.
Also dogs. I miss you Jolene, I miss you Rosie. You are both wonderful snugglers.
T. is really private so I’ve avoided writing about him in this blog, but he means a lot, and the image of him with his large eyes and the snow falling will always be sacred.